Nico Ceremony: what does it feel like to get married?

We try out getting married to each other with a ceremony - vows and all - put together by Nico Raineau, professional wedding officiant, who we first spoke with back in Episode 8. At the end of the episode, Maxson and Emily reflect on how the experience changed how they feel about getting actually married.

Transcript

SPEAKER_07 0:00

I, Max and Gerecki.

SPEAKER_06 0:01

I, Max and Gerecki. Pledge to you, Emily Carter. Pledge to you, Emily Carter.

SPEAKER_07 0:07

To stop poking and prodding you when you're trying to fall asleep. Don't stop. But also, no promises, because I know you actually love it.

SPEAKER_06 0:17

I'm so happy you said that last part. Welcome to Should We Get Married.

SPEAKER_02 0:25

My name is Emily Carter.

SPEAKER_06 0:27

My name is Maxon Gurecki.

SPEAKER_02 0:29

In this podcast, we're trying to figure out if we should get legally married to each other.

SPEAKER_06 0:33

Or stay dating forever.

SPEAKER_00 0:37

What's up with people playing? It's so cool.

SPEAKER_02 0:41

Today, Maxine and I are having a mock wedding ceremony to try out how it feels, officiated by none other than Nico Reyno, professional wedding officiant who you might remember from episode eight.

SPEAKER_06 0:51

Let's get into it. Just to recap a little bit and check in on how you're feeling now, because it's been some time since we did this. What was it like to get fake married?

SPEAKER_02 1:06

I remember on the one hand, feeling like, ooh, this is sort of cringy in some ways. And then on the other hand, feeling like this is actually really beautiful and sweet. And I can feel myself being moved by the moment.

SPEAKER_06 1:15

I'm I'm very with you. Yeah. Listening back to this, I feel I feel really moved at how swept up in the moment I was and kind of still am. At times my skin is crawling in various ways because I have this idea in my head that I'm like such a unique guy, and I am just like every other guy up on the stage getting married, who's really, really emotional and whatever.

SPEAKER_02 1:40

Like I think there's like a boiling water situation in love sometimes where, especially you and me, like in the beginning, we would sort of mock, say, babe or baby. It would be like a cringy, awful thing that we were doing that would make our skin crawl. And then you sort of like slow boil yourself into sweet romantic classic things that you would look back on, you would look forward on and like totally gag.

SPEAKER_06 2:01

Yes. I like the pet name comparison. You know, every single name we have for each other, that's like a sweet, cute name, fully started out as a joke of what if I was the kind of person who called you blank? Totally. And then now I just actually call you blank and it's real. Yeah. It's brutal. Anyway, I think that that's a little bit the same, the same feeling of. Are we actually just getting closer and closer to having a really square vanilla relationship? I don't know. But it was really fun to do. Nico is super sweet, very talented. It's safe to say we felt like we were in incredibly good hands the entire time from the ingestion episode where he's learning all about us in episode eight to this episode now where he's actually bringing us through a ceremony. So thank you, Nico. You rock. Totally. And it was really fun to have Ramoy be a part of that and laughing along with us. And yeah. Ramoy, thanks for being part of that too. All right, Emily. Let's go get married.

SPEAKER_02 2:58

Peek.

SPEAKER_06 3:07

How nervous are you, Maxon? Is you feeling it? Yeah. Candidly, I'm like a lot more nervous than I thought, slash like wigged out. Like I have not I typically don't get, I don't know, nervous during these podcast interviews or sessions. And like there is something weird. There's something weird going on in my body.

SPEAKER_07 3:33

It's not necessarily good. Yeah, let's talk through it. What do you because when you showed up, you seemed really excited. And now it's suddenly feeling real to you. Talk to us about what you're going through.

SPEAKER_06 3:44

Biggest thing is I have like uh I have like butterflies in my stomach, but not necessarily like good kinds. I'm breathing my heart's beating faster than it was 10 minutes ago. And yeah, I don't know. I I guess I have fe I have fear that it will change our relationship for the worse somehow. Even doing it in this mock-up.

SPEAKER_02 4:07

My take is that if and when we are gonna do commitments or vows during this, we just do it for where we're at right now. And it doesn't have to be this forever wedding ceremony. All our friends are involved and staring at us version. It could just be like, what are we committing to right now?

SPEAKER_06 4:24

Yeah, that's for us to say. Like we can say it and then be like, well, this is what I really feel.

SPEAKER_02 4:32

Which What if we break up on this episode?

SPEAKER_07 4:35

Is that gonna happen after the ceremony or privately between the two of you? Because like I'm not under a microscope quite like this, usually when I do ceremonies, right? Like we're gonna do a little debrief. It's not like I sit down with the couple and send them a survey and be like, okay, what did I do wrong? Like pick it apart.

SPEAKER_04 4:51

It's very fucking Bay Area or New York that there's gonna be a postmortem after this thing. We gotta do it.

SPEAKER_02 5:00

We'll circle back on the postmortem. I'll I'll throw some time on your calendarly.

SPEAKER_07 5:06

Emily Maxon, you guys, are you guys ready? You feeling good?

SPEAKER_08 5:10

Yes.

SPEAKER_07 5:11

Feeling good. Okay, here we go. Welcome, dear listeners, to the symbolic experimental commitment ceremony of Emily and Maxon. Only these two could come up with something as avant-garde as getting fake married on a podcast to determine if they want to get actual married in real life. But they're doing it. They're questioning whether a long-held societal institution is right for them. And they have every right to do so. Historically speaking, marriage doesn't have the most squeaky clean reputation. It used to be an elitist privilege, only offered to some, often inspired by oppressive economics, and not only always entered into willingly. So it's understandable that Emily and Maxson want to investigate what marriage means today and whether being married even makes sense for them. Their love is unique, it defies convention, so why should they conform to antiquity? Well, not to be reductive, but the answer quite simply could be love. Love has also not conformed to antiquity. Throughout history, a few notable lovers exhibited exceptional bravery by pushing back against exclusory legislation to challenge the very institution of marriage, proving that love is unyielding to the obtuse and arbitrary laws of man. To love is to dissent. And as such, those who exemplify true love are the ones who have redefined marriage for themselves and in the process for all of us. Whether they realize it or not, this is what Emily and Maxson are venturing to do: furthering the legacy of broadening what marriage means. For the first time in human history, all of us have the freedom to marry whomever we want in a wedding that can be whatever we want. And the ceremony is an individualized reflection of the couple, the penultimate expression of their love. Just so long as they aren't related. Emily and Maxon, you two aren't cousins, are you? Just checking.

SPEAKER_06 7:16

Emily, should we do the bit?

SPEAKER_03 7:22

We love being siblings because we have a shared history and shared parents. It makes being a love easier and more fruitful, especially holidays.

SPEAKER_07 7:31

And now we have to call it off. Okay, so but not actually related. Just checking.

SPEAKER_06 7:39

No, just fictitiously.

SPEAKER_07 7:41

Just fictitiously. So the question is how the hell do we get here? There's over 8 billion people on this planet. How do these two jabronies find each other and fall in love? Well, even if you know their love story, you've never heard me tell it. So strap in because everything I'm about to say is true, except for the parts that aren't. Those I embellish for comedic effects. So the point is that the love story of Emily and Maxon begins with non-conformist originality. Unhinged, the same way 99% of couples pop off. So for a couple of free thinkers, you two convention can connected with ironic conventionality. So it's 2021 and Emily is visiting family on the East Coast. She's casually swiping through dating apps when her feed reveals the familiar face of Maxon Giracki. She remembers Maxon being the cool counter-cultural boy in school who for some reason wore the same pair of pajama pants to class every day. Hey, she thinks, Max from high school, funny seeing you here. She's curious to reconnect with him. Of course, she doesn't say any of this. That would have been a friendly, normal, and clearly communicative way of saying hello. Instead, she sends him a message that just says, Ayy. Maxon is intrigued by this message. And by that I mean he hates it. I mean, what the hell does that even mean? He too remembers Emily from high school as the extremely quiet, tall girl who only ever talked to like three people and was very pretty in, and I quote, a sort of alien-looking way. Now though, scrolling through her profile, she seems funny, nonchalant, and pretty in an attractive human-looking way. He always wanted to get to know her more, and so he asks if she wants to hang out. So Emily invites him to Long Island for a picnic at the beach. Totally forgetting that they're communicating on a dating app. And so she thinks nothing of it, except Maxon shows up 100%, assuming this is a date, only to discover that Emily has also invited her sister and multiple friends. But Maxon goes with it, trying his best to catch up with Emily while being constantly interrupted by other people, none of whom are eating any of the delicious picnic snacks that are just drying out in the sun. Nonetheless, Maxon finds Emily to be authentic and interesting. She's cool and confident, and he's feeling some strong chemistry. Meanwhile, to quote Emily, it wasn't like sparks, like no fireworks right off the bat, like none of that stuff. But the conversation is comfortable, and so she's intrigued. So they venture to a nearby bookstore, and Maxon is excited for some one-on-one time with her. Unfortunately, she brings her entire entourage along. Now, at this point, he's feeling like this date is a dud. And the vibes are weird. There's a bunch of randos around, and he's so hungry that all he's thinking about is where he's gonna get a snack. Now that's when Emily lures him to the dusty rare book section in the back, gets him alone, and just starts making out with him. Finally, Matson realizes oh, I guess this date is going pretty well. Now, the kiss is amazing. He isn't even thinking about snacks anymore, but he does have to hop on a quick work call and tells her he'll just be 20 minutes. No problem. Emily will wait for him. So he takes a short call and returns to the bookstore to find that Emily, her sister, and all of her friends have totally abandoned him. No, hey, we're gonna go. No, hey, meet up with us later. Just a passionate lightning strike of a kiss, followed by an ice cold ghosting. He doesn't even know if he'll ever see her again. I mean, what just happened? That night, Maxon's at a friend's engagement party and decides to take one more shot with Emily. So he invites her to join him, and to his delight, she does. They spend the night dancing, socializing, and yes, kissing. Maxon is completely smitten, but he's afraid she might disappear again, and he'll have no evidence that she actually exists. So he takes out his phone and starts snapping pictures of them while they're making out. Now he admits that it's weird, but according to Emily, this is what wins her over. She likes people who are different and do odd things to express their truth. So she finds the gesture to be romantic. In response, Emily invites him to her house on Shelter Island. Max assumes she's having some friends over and accepts, only to arrive and discover that he's now spending an intimate weekend with Emily and her parents. So here's the deal. Emily's living on the East Coast at this time and is heading back to California soon. So if something really is blossoming between them, then she needs to speed things up to figure out if there's a real chance for a romantic relationship here. Of course, she doesn't say any of this. She just throws him into the deep end with her family to learn what being his girlfriend might feel like. So to quote Maxon, we had the best time. And it was like not weird at all. Her parents love him and he ends up staying all week. Just when it begins to feel as though they're a couple, Emily goes back to California and Maxon returns to New York. Maxon is obsessively in love. He's experienced this transformative phenomenon of falling for the most incredible person he's ever met. She's grounded, effortlessly beautiful. Even Emily is surprised by her feelings. But it's too soon to express that she loves him, so instead, she jokingly shares that she loathes him. They don't talk about the state of their relationship, but Maxon knows he's found the person he wants to spend this and every lifetime with.

SPEAKER_04 13:40

And Emily, well, she's still swiping through Hinge!

SPEAKER_07 13:44

What is happening? Without confrontation or accusation, Maxon expresses to Emily that his feelings for her are very real and that he's very confused about their situation. For Emily, it's a huge moment because Maxon creates a safe and honest space where she's able to open up about her relationship insecurities and admit that her feelings are also genuine, but she just really needs to take things slow. They make plans to see each other, and the reality of dating long distance sets in. This whole being 3,000 miles apart thing makes it really hard to know if this love is going to last. So she changes her tune, and again they speed things back up by doing the only logical thing: quitting their jobs and traveling the world together. Whether rock climbing in Greece, hiking the Pacific Crest Trail, or braving the desert for Burning Man, what becomes abundantly clear is that the connection they felt from the jump is in fact phenomenal. Emily says it feels as though Maxon was designed in a lab to love her in the perfect way. That being with him makes her more honest, more courageous, more herself. The whole reason she wanted to take things slowly was to ensure that before committing, she had settled into her best, most authentic self. Only to discover that she is truest to herself when she's with Maxon. With him, she is free. Now Maxon soon moves to California and they decide to live together. So it's easy to feel free when you're a vagabond, but planting roots comes with growing pains, and their stationary domestic life reveals new and annoying discoveries about one another. Like, for example, how Maxon is always fucking late and apparently a total slob. Yet for some reason, before bed every night, he puts on an entire sleeping outfit complete with a hat, like he's a character from a kid's Christmas book. Meanwhile, Emily is so goddamn frugal that she'll hijack a simple plan and turn it into a convoluted scheme just to pinch every last penny. But even so, living together is what brings their relationship into focus. Because it's easy to imagine a big adventurous life when you're on the road. But it's the mundane moments of a calm routine that confirm whether you found a person you can be with forever. Settling into any relationship can make life feel small. But Emily and Maxon build a love that makes life even bigger. For the next three years, they champion one another through career changes, care for each other through personal struggles, invest in rich friendships, explore fascinating corners of the world, and even go on adventures separately. But they always return to one another, knowing that their love makes the experience of life more vast and vibrant. They decide that their relationship is going to be dynamic and different. No topic is off the table, and the only rule is that they must communicate with brutal but gentle honesty. They remain open to evolution and exploring the boundaries of unconventional commitment so long as they do so as a team. The result is that they both feel free to grow together without constraints. With Emily's powerful positive influence in his life, Max becomes calmer, healthier, more grounded, and productive. He loves the way she makes him feel about himself. Meanwhile, Maxon reminds Emily every day why what they have is so special. Because together they are building a life filled with laughter, love, adventure, and intimacy, all with her best friend. A man who has shown her that love doesn't mean losing yourself into a relationship. Because true love is actualizing yourself through being unconditionally accepted. It is everything she has ever wanted. Plus, it helps that they both enjoy walking around naked. I mean, hey, it's one thing to say they make each other feel free, but sometimes you just gotta get free-free. You know what I mean? Now, all this brings us to today, to the moment in every relationship in which having decided to be coupled forever, the question of marriage arises. Conventionally, a proposal would ensue, but these two have never followed a traditional script. So here we are, investigating what the next chapter looks like for two people who are writing their own rule book. Now, I'm assuming you two have spoken to other folks who have detailed the many tax health and inheritance benefits to legal marriage. So instead, I feel my role as a ceremonial expert is to assure you that no two marriages are the same because no two relationships are similar. Every couple develops their own perspective on what love is and how they're going to move through it together. It's up to you to decide if a legal marriage carries unwanted baggage or welcome advantages. What I will say is that choosing to declare your commitment to one another publicly is a profound experience that does bind you together. It holds you accountable in community and can be a beautiful thing to behold. So while you two sort out the quagmire of whether or not to have a contract, what we are going to do now is confirm your commitment symbolically. At least I think that's what we're doing. Let me check. Emily Carter and Max and Direcki, do you love one another wholeheartedly and wish to commute wish to commit to each other as life partners for the purposes of this investigative podcast today?

SPEAKER_08 19:51

I do.

SPEAKER_07 19:53

I do. Are you ready to make some vows to one another? I am. Yes. And if you decide to get married, despite everyone else you've interviewed for this podcast, do you promise to give me exclusive and unequivocal credit as the person who helped you make the best decision of your lives? Every last episode.

SPEAKER_05 20:15

Every episode is actually Nico, we have no episodes.

SPEAKER_06 20:19

These are our only episodes. This is the most elaborate and expensive way to get out of paying your fee.

SPEAKER_07 20:30

That is a fact. And you're still going to return the pants at the end of the day, anyway. So what am I even doing with you?

SPEAKER_06 20:35

We might.

SPEAKER_07 20:38

Okay. Here's the truth. In order to confirm a loving, lifelong commitment to your partner, you don't need paperwork or county clerks. Because ultimately, this boils down to a simple but profound promise to looking into your partner's eyes with respect and admiration as you proclaim that you choose them, that you want to be with them, and that this commitment is sacred between the two of you. Now neither of you knows what the future holds, and so this is not a promise to be perfect, but it is a promise to be kind and to continue choosing one another, knowing that you are imperfect, that you will both continue to change, but that to love one another is to choose one another every day, again and again and again. So, Maxine, if you choose Emily, please repeat these commitment vows after me. I, Max and Giracki.

SPEAKER_06 21:37

I, Max and Giracki. Pledge to you, Emily Carter. Pledge to you, Emily Carter. That I will always be honest with you. That I will always be honest with you.

SPEAKER_07 21:50

I will encourage your freedom. I will encourage your freedom. Make you laugh uncontrollably.

SPEAKER_06 21:57

Make you laugh uncontrollably until you

SPEAKER_07 22:02

And never shy away from having difficult conversations with you.

SPEAKER_06 22:07

And never shy away from having difficult conversations with you.

SPEAKER_07 22:11

While also having deep, meaningful conversations.

SPEAKER_06 22:16

While also having deep, meaningful conversations.

SPEAKER_07 22:19

With every one of our Uber drivers.

SPEAKER_06 22:26

With every one of our Uber drivers.

SPEAKER_07 22:31

I also promise. I also promise. To stop poking and prodding you when you're trying to fall asleep.

SPEAKER_02 22:40

Don't stop.

SPEAKER_07 22:41

But also, no promises because I know you actually love it.

SPEAKER_06 22:45

I'm so happy you said that last part.

SPEAKER_07 22:48

Yeah.

SPEAKER_06 22:49

But no promises on that one.

SPEAKER_07 22:51

Yeah, okay.

SPEAKER_06 22:53

Most of all. Most of all. I vowed a standby through good times and bad. I vow to stand by you through good times and bad. To care for you in sickness and in health. To care for you in sickness and in health. And to love you.

SPEAKER_07 23:12

And to love you. For all that you are and will be now and always. For all that you are and will be for always. Emily, do you accept this vow and choose Maxon as your partner in love and for life?

SPEAKER_02 23:33

I do, a hundred percent.

SPEAKER_07 23:37

In that case, Emily, please repeat these commitment vows after me. I, Emily Carter.

SPEAKER_02 23:44

I, Emily Carter.

SPEAKER_07 23:47

Pledge to you, Max and Girecki.

SPEAKER_02 23:49

Pledge to you, Max and Girecki.

SPEAKER_07 23:52

That I will celebrate you.

SPEAKER_02 23:55

That I will celebrate you.

SPEAKER_07 23:57

Encourage you and be patient with you.

SPEAKER_02 24:01

Encourage you and be patient with you.

SPEAKER_07 24:04

I will tell you stories about my day from start to finish.

SPEAKER_02 24:08

I will tell you stories about my day from start to finish.

SPEAKER_07 24:12

And I will keep cooking up the most insane character voices and impromptu dances.

SPEAKER_02 24:18

And I will keep cooking up the most insane character voices and impromptu dances.

SPEAKER_07 24:23

And letting you film them for inclusion in our Bible of faith.

SPEAKER_02 24:28

And letting you film them for wherever you want to put it. I don't even care at this point.

SPEAKER_07 24:36

Also. Also. I know you don't like it when I move your clothes.

SPEAKER_02 24:43

I know you don't like it when I move your clothes.

SPEAKER_07 24:46

But I won't promise to stop doing that because you really should be thankful that I'm cleaning up after you because you really are very messy. Yeah, what do you said? You can summarize what I said. But most of all. But most of all. I vow to stand by you through good times and bad.

SPEAKER_02 25:06

I vow to stand by you through good times and bad.

SPEAKER_07 25:10

To care for you in sickness and in health.

SPEAKER_02 25:13

To care for you in sickness and in health.

SPEAKER_07 25:17

And to love you.

SPEAKER_02 25:18

And to love you.

SPEAKER_07 25:20

For all that you are and will be now and always.

SPEAKER_02 25:25

For all that you are and will be now and for always.

SPEAKER_07 25:31

Maxon, do you accept these vows and choose Emily as your partner in love and for life? Yes, I do. So Emily and Maxon, you've just verbalized your commitment to one another as life partners. When you find someone who inspires you to be the best version of yourself, who puts wind in your sails, doing the roughest of seas, and who makes life more enjoyable to live. Well, that is a rare and beautiful thing worth celebrating. The truth is that marriage doesn't make your love any more or less meaningful. You just have to decide if it's an experience that you want to add to the treasure trove of adventures that you will continue collecting together. Because what comes next is entirely up to you. Now, if you were together, I would say kiss each other like you're in the rare book section of a Long Island bookshop. But in this case, blow kisses to each other from across the internet and let's celebrate. There you go, you're committed. Congratulations.

SPEAKER_02 26:45

That was amazing.

SPEAKER_04 26:47

Oh my gosh. I've been to a lot of weddings in my life, and I feel like this is the most touching experience I've ever had.

SPEAKER_02 26:56

I somehow forget telling you all of these things, so I'm like, he read our mind.

SPEAKER_06 27:04

Emily, you must have said the Uber driver thing.

SPEAKER_02 27:07

I guess. Maybe I I think he's a mentalist.

SPEAKER_06 27:10

Nico, well done. I was not expecting to have a lot of emotional responses on account of this is just supposed to be trying it on at the store. But I had I had serious emotional responses.

SPEAKER_02 27:27

But emotional responses?

SPEAKER_06 27:29

Yeah. I just feel so. I didn't disagree with anything that you said. Everything you said, I feel. Maybe that's the part that was most surprising to me.

SPEAKER_04 27:41

Even the forever part? I was wondering if Maxon was gonna bristle at that part.

SPEAKER_06 27:49

All the stuff. I will love you forever. I just will. I I feel that. I know you. I understand you. Even if our sexual relationship ends, I'll still love you. Even if our hanging out every day ends, I'll still love you. I know you so well at this point that I just I just will. So that feels easy to commit to. Which was a surprise to me to feel that way.

SPEAKER_02 28:17

This is why we try on pants.

SPEAKER_07 28:21

And my pants feel really good when you put them on.

SPEAKER_08 28:24

God, I love Nikon. Are those bonobos?

SPEAKER_06 28:30

Yeah. Maybe quints. I don't know. Quints are comfy. Emily, what was what was that experience like for you?

SPEAKER_02 28:37

Oh, I also felt quite reclumped, especially when you were doing your vows. And there was something about having Nico understand us and what we care about, and you and what you care about, and me and what I care about, and just letting you repeat back rather than having to like think on the spot. Just let us be really in the moment. And the vows felt totally our vibe and what we want to commit to 100%, and nothing that feels fake or egregious or weird. So I felt choked up in some moments too. And I love hearing our story. I feel like we're the people that tell our story most of the time. I've never heard anyone else tell it. So that felt special.

unknown 29:24

It's a good idea.

SPEAKER_06 29:25

Yeah, Nico makes Nik Nico makes it real, makes it a real story, and someone else is able to articulate it. Oh man. I have so much gratitude, Nico, for spending time on this. It's really special.

SPEAKER_07 29:40

I've always been a romantic, and I think I've always really been passionate about telling love stories at the end of the day. I appreciate my like small place and getting to help you two feel more connected and to give you an experience that you wouldn't otherwise have. So I appreciate you creating this space for me as well. I a question that I have for you is obviously I knew I figure that you would enjoy the romantic comedy retelling of your story. You're both really great storytellers. But I was really paying attention to both of you during the vows. I think that's the part that I was most curious to see how you would feel. And I felt like you both felt the gravity of it. Because I think that's the thing that felt different for you. It's like you were going through an experience that you're still not sure if you actually want to have, but I basically put you in the experience where you were doing it. Can you both talk a little bit about like what that felt like for you? Because it seemed sanctimonious for you just based on your expressions.

SPEAKER_02 30:44

Mm-hmm. I think for me, people always say, like, it's just a little different when you're married, like there's some safety in the security of it. And I don't totally get that. And I believe same thing with like having a kid. It's like you just won't know the love of having a kid until you have one. And this felt like a little microcosm in that I've said all these things to Maxim before. He said them all to me. I'm not gonna lie to you. I'm gonna love you now and forever. I'm like with you through thick and thin when you're sick, when you're healthy. But there's something about the like ritual formalizing of it that just feels different. Like you're like engraving it on your heart more than you're just sort of like sharing your truth. So I felt even though I've heard these things and said these things, there was something sanctimonious or like grave about it. Great, positive grave. And I was just imagining like being witnessed and staring at you and having everyone staring at us. It's just so special. And I think I really want that. That sounds really nice. What about you, Maxim?

SPEAKER_06 31:48

I felt so surprised by how agreeable I felt while you were telling me things to repeat. Everything I was just like, that's a no, that's easy. That's easy. That's easy too. It's all easy. I don't know. Till death do us part did not come up in our repetition, which is just one of those things. Or like I vow to always bring you coffee in the morning, or like stuff that people say that kind of like sounds good, or they saw it in a movie, or they saw it at their cousin's wedding and didn't feel true to them. Everything just felt like a no-brainer for me. So I felt really surprised by that. And I felt, I don't know. Emily looks so beautiful right now. She's got her big brown, beautiful hair. She's so nice. She's doing this stupid project with me and Ramoy. Ramoy's doing this stupid project with me and Emily. Part of me is just like, what are we doing? Like, what who fucking who cares? Like, we love each other. What is all this fucking pomp and circumstance that we're doing to like it's like there's something really appealing, I think, that I felt for the first time in a really serious way while doing the Vows Nico, where I was like, I felt myself wanting to just give myself over to the love. Just say, hey, yeah, it's complicated. We'll we'll figure it out. There's no we'll like I trust that we'll figure it all out.

SPEAKER_04 33:32

I okay. So does that mean like at the end, because at the end of these episodes, we discuss, you guys discuss how much you want to get married or not get married after the experience. I'm assuming now that you're like, what?

SPEAKER_06 33:44

This is a you know, we do a drop into the bucket of don't get married, or we do a drop into the bucket of let's get married. I'm a drop in the bucket of let's get married. That's where I'm at today. To everyone's surprise, including myself. Where are you at, Emily?

SPEAKER_02 34:06

I felt so happy that whole time and surprised by how happy I felt too. And I was like, there were elements of tropes that we've seen, and Nico, who's like maybe not I don't know, we've never met him in person. He's never seen us in the same room, just bantering, but like can see us very clearly. Some part of me is like, no one can see us clearly, we're so different. And just to be like, he totally gets it. I just I also felt myself giving over to the parts that felt really us and the parts that are just like I've seen this before, but it's like our version of it. So this felt like many drops in the bucket of yes for me. Or at least a ceremony.

SPEAKER_07 34:45

Are you both feeling like based on this experience, you definitely want to have some sort of like formal commitment ceremony, or are you feeling like this experience has inspired you to take legal marriage much more into consideration?

SPEAKER_02 35:04

For me, more the ceremony, I think. And I'd be happy to have the ceremony without the document.

SPEAKER_06 35:10

Uh I just say it, Maxine.

SPEAKER_04 35:14

Be honest. That shit-hitting grit, he's so happy right now. He's like, I don't know. Just give me the paper.

SPEAKER_05 35:26

I just feel very swept up in the moment. And I'm like, fuck it. I'll sign whatever you want. I don't care. Whatever the government wants me to sign, I'll sign it.

SPEAKER_06 35:38

We'll figure it out. Give me the give me the complications. Like give me the life, well, give me the life, give me the logistical fuck-up, fuck-ups that are gonna come down the road. I just feel so enamored. But I feel excited about the ceremony, and I also am just, I just feel like way, like the tensions just brought way less down on a legal agreement between us and the state. Like that's that just feels way less intense after walking through this experience. I don't I can't exactly point to why, but I just feel just like, all right, whatever. People peep maybe people do this for a good reason. Whereas that's totally the opposite of what I've thought for the past like entire project. So this is a big moment for me. And who knows what I'll feel tomorrow, by the way.

SPEAKER_02 36:27

My hands are clean.

SPEAKER_06 36:30

But I'm gonna experience it while I experience it. All of this ego-boosting compliment. I'm just yeah, just just trying to reiterate you're the man. You've completely uh bought into this with us. You've supported our vision from the beginning. You are a part of our journey. You're completely a part of our journey. And I'm just so grateful that you've like dug dug into it with us and been with us. So thank you.

SPEAKER_02 36:53

Yeah, thank you so much. We'll be taking your last name.

SPEAKER_06 36:56

Yes.

SPEAKER_07 36:58

Thank you for saying that. That's like it's very meaningful. And like this stumbled backwards into even doing this in the first place. And sometimes I wonder like, is this the right path for me? Or and having conversations like this and getting this unique experience of even hearing feedback from a couple on what their experience was, it's just very it's it's humbling, and in many ways, it's life-affirming. So thank you right back at you. I'll uh I'll I'll tell my mother.

SPEAKER_08 37:31

Tell your boss.

SPEAKER_07 37:32

So away. Yeah, I'll get I'll give you her, I'll give you her number. No, she's also very supportive. That's just a joke to be fun, but we're doing an episode with her.

SPEAKER_02 37:45

I thought I would listen to that's the end of our mock wedding with Nico. Thank you so much, Nico. That was fun.

SPEAKER_06 38:03

We actually have a registry that's a real registry for our fake ceremony. Maybe we'll link it in the show notes, but if you want to buy us stuff, what are those what are those like sweet pots that have like a nice like yellow glaze on them? Do you like it? Great Jones. No, not Great Jones. There's a French Le Cruset. Yeah, so you we got La Crusade stuff.

SPEAKER_02 38:23

It's a fake registry, but it will be real.

SPEAKER_06 38:25

It's a it it's a it's a fake ceremony, real registry, real money, real gifts.

SPEAKER_02 38:29

Real money, fake registry, real gifts.

SPEAKER_06 38:32

Real gifts, fake website. Real website, real website linked in the comments. Donate to our registry.

SPEAKER_02 38:38

Fake uh honeymoon.

SPEAKER_06 38:40

Yeah, we're having a fake honeymoon for real, though, to test it out. Emily, do you feel like us doing the ceremony and walking through it is taking some of the specialness out of whatever we decide to do in the future if we if we do something?

SPEAKER_02 38:55

I do not. I'm actually fairly certain we won't have a ceremony that sounds much like that, if I had to guess. And so it was cool to go through it and try something a little more standard. I'm really happy I got to hear it and feel it. So, no, I don't think that.

SPEAKER_06 39:10

Nico, thank you again. You're the man. And uh in our next episode, we are going to talk to Archie. Archie is the son of Isabel, who was interviewed for one of our first episodes. She's the one who uh was married um and had two children, and then her husband fell in love with someone else and they got divorced, and he has his own perspective on his life and what happened, and et cetera, et cetera. So super fun for him to come on and he's gonna hear a little bit of this.

SPEAKER_02 39:37

Do you have any advice for couples who are getting divorced that have kids?

SPEAKER_01 39:42

The first thing I'd say is congratulations, your life is substantially harder. I'm very sorry.

SPEAKER_06 39:49

Should We Get Married is an original series by Easily Wowed and Bad Cooley Productions. This episode was created by me, Max and Gurecki. And me, Emily Carter. And our producer, Ramoy Phillip.

SPEAKER_02 40:01

Theme music is the song Fake Romantic by the band Melt, logo and brand design by Madeline Vogue.

SPEAKER_06 40:07

Sound design and mixing by Ramoy Phillip. We want to say thank you to Nico for doing this with us. And if you liked Nico's vibe, you can head on over to romcomweddings.com to learn more.

SPEAKER_02 40:17

There are so many of you out there who are asking these exact same questions, and we don't all have to investigate marriage on our own. Subscribe to Should We Get Married and learn with us as we make our decision.

SPEAKER_06 40:27

See you next time.